Thursday, October 29, 2015

#5 First Line Last Line "I don't even know my own name yet."

It was an exhausting day with Peter. I just got back home about twenty minutes ago. I curl up under my new soft sheets. It’s really rainy and windy outside. I hear thunder and it rattles the apartment building a little bit. My eyes slowly start to close and I start thinking about home in England. I miss my mother. She would be so wonderful to talk to right now. There are so many things I wish she knew. I want to tell her about Peter and Holly… and…

I’m at a lake having a picnic with Holly and Peter. We are eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches we made together. We’re laughing about something. It’s so hot outside, and it’s a very pretty, clear, happy day, and there are butterflies all around Peter’s face. It’s just like the Sound Of Music. “Let’s go swimming,” I say. “Yeah!” shouts Holly so excitedly. We all strip down to our bathing suits. I don’t know why we already have them on, but oh well, and we all jump into the crystal blue lake. 
Peter and I are sitting in chairs that are floating in the lake gazing into each others eyes. Everything is so perfect, it’s like heaven. And all of a sudden, clouds start to cover the sky and it gets dark and Holly disappears. We start screaming for her and hear nothing. Peter and I are sobbing and jump off the chairs, swimming, and trying to look for her, but everything is dark, and we can’t see anything. Our screams and cries echo, and the thunder roars and everything is shaking.

I open my eyes and jump out of bed. “Holly, Holly, Holly! Where are you?” Oh, my god, that was terrible. There’s still a thunderstorm. I can’t go back to sleep after that. I get up and walk to the kitchen to make some tea, and I sit down on the couch and curl up in a blanket as I sip the tea. I start trying to think about why I dreamed that. Why can’t I remember anything? What’s wrong with me. I only remember leaving home, but nothing after that. Did that dream actually happen? “Adeline, babe what’s wrong? Another bad dream?” Peter says. “Wheres Holly?” “Hun, Holly is dead, she has been dead for a year.”

"Today marks the one-year anniversary of her death. I.. I just didn't want to say anything because I didn't want to bring you back to that day and upset you. You're stressed out enough as it is, with the baby and all." What has the hell? Am I pregnant? Why can't I remember anything? What's wrong with me? I don't know anything... I don't even know my own name yet.

Sunday, October 18, 2015


Maybe I'm doing something wrong in my life. Maybe there is a reason I don't feel a sense of fulfillment. I just want to be happy. Old people say God gives you a sense of purpose in our lives, and that it where people find true happiness. I was raised Catholic, but then I lost all faith once I reached the age of thirteen. I suppose everyone has it rough when they are that age, and they feel like their world is upside down. I could search for this "God" just for the fun of it. It could make me feel as if there really is a purpose in my life. Maybe I will feel less lonely as well. First, I will go to Jehovah, then St. Mark, then Shalom Temple.

I start walking up to Jehovah's witness since it is closer to my apartment. It's Sunday, so I assume everything is open for worship. Back home in England we used to go to church every single Sunday, and I hated it so much. I hope that this time it will be different though... I think it could help me. I could very well find my purpose in life. My grandpa was always confident that God gave us a gift of talent. He used to say jumping out of things and landing safely was his gift. He died by jumping off a five hundred- thirty seven foot cliff when he was seventy five in Austria. I think he had a problem. But maybe I'll figure out what my gift is! I have no clue what it could be... The only thing I'm food at is running away.

I ask Peter and Holly if they could like to come on this spiritual journey with me. They both look over and say, "Yes!". "Okay so lets be ready to go in about a half hour." Peter offers to whip something up for breakfast before we go. "That would be great babe." Of shit. "I mean, Peter... not babe. Sorry" Why did I say that? What's wrong with me. He starts making omelets for the three of us. I'm standing beside him. He's so focused when he cooks. Ahhhh a man who cooks! Wow. This is so nice to look at. I realize I've been starring at him for like two full minutes, and I look away. Well damn, I'm creepy as hell! He probably didn't even realize I was looking at him. I mean, it's not my fault he looks like David Beckham. I can't help but to look at that. He most likely has a girlfriend anyway. "Here you are." Peter hands me the omelet and it's so beautiful, it looks like it came out of a Paula Deen magazine. "Haha thanks!" He smiles at me and then looks down. He looks back up and asks"Is it hot in here?" "Yeah, so hot. Umm, I'll go and turn on the AC."

I walk away really fast toward the hall where the AC is. I'm blushing so hard it feels like I dipped my face in boiling Vodka. I hit my shin on the new chair in my living room and have to sit down. Jesus! That hurt! I almost want to cry because it hurts so bad but I just pretend everything is okay. Peter starts running over. "Are you okay Addie?" "Umm, yeah, I'm fine. It's really nothing, I just hit my shin." He gets down on one knee and examines my leg, and of course, it's just gotta be bleeding, and I look a mess! He pulls a band aid out of his back pocket, and gently puts it on the wound. Who carries around band aids in their pocket?  He looks up at me and says, "Happens to me all the time." Holly walks in. "Get a room!" she says. "Oh we have to go. The church services are about to start, and I need God."

We all start heading for the door. We hop in a cab outside of the apartment and start heading over to Jehovah. In the car we all talk about what the service might be like. "I think it'll be really weird." Holly says. We arrive at the church, and step out of the cab. We stand outside of the building for a good five minutes just starring at it. We all say "hmmm" in sync. We start walking towards the set of old golden french doors. Walking inside we see a man standing beside a stand of brochures that I assume regard the church itself. This strange man with a grey beard skips towards Peter and I and says, "What a lovely child the two of you have! This child represents the destiny of your lives that God has so kindly provided for you." Me and Peter look at each other and say, "Nope." We all peacefully walk out and Peter calls for the cab to come back over. "Well that was a bust." He says.